Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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