Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
my poor anus
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
