Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
