when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
