great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
