I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
