So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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