I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
