So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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