I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
