Sponge bath it is.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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