And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
