I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
