Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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