If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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