apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
