Pants 0. Shit 1.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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