drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
