I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
