Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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