so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
