i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
