I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
