if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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