We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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