matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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