How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
