I must be too annoying 4 u.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
