end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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