I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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