shes about as inviting as chlamydia
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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