I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
