GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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