In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
