Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
