I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
