Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
