Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
