My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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