pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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