do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
