life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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