Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
