So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
