Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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