I cockslap morals
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
