Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
4 words: hood of his car
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
