I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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