let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
