I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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